Perfection and imperfection are negative judgments we have given birth to and hoisted upon ourselves. These labels set a narrow precedent, that loom over our heads like impending doom.
For many of us,we set standards for ourselves which if we don't achieve immediately we consider it to be a failure. Perfection becomes the ideal that must be achieved in order to achieve nirvana.
These standards of perfection we impose upon ourselves cause us to become attached to an outcome.
When a person gets attached to an outcome, regardless of what that outcome is, they stop living in the moment and enjoying the process or journey of getting there. It's not about getting it right the first time- as soon as you'd get it right you'd move on to the next thing, and then you'd never be able to stay still and appreciate any one thing in particular, and always look towards the next.
Creation takes many attempts to get right. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. In the trying and experiencing the journey you're learning all kinds of skills you can use to tackle other challenges.
The journey is what contains the juicy bits- the laughter, the joy, the tears, the connections, the lives of others, love, creativity, tenderness, intimacy, lessons...the whole shebang. Get to the end result without experiencing the journey and not only do you lose all appreciation for what you have done, you also start taking it for granted and literally suck all the fun out of life.
That's why it's so important to do what you love- if you spend that much time trying to achieve an end result at something you're indifferent about or abhor then you are going to be unhappy whether you take the short cut that contains a dreary landscape or the longer, scenic route.
Experience is why we chose to come into human form. To experience spirit through matter is the beautiful essence of life. Somebody who lives in Toronto recently told me that they've barely had the heat on in the winter in the past 8 years. He divulged that he switched from attaching a quality to cold as negative and began to perceive it as an experience. I'm not quite there yet, but it's true- every time I catch myself getting caught up in circles of repetitive whining in my head about how cold it is, I remind myself that it's an experience, and it actually helps. A little. Like I said, I'm not totally there yet, but it's definitely moving towards a change. The more I believe this, the quicker my body responds by following the belief- for all you mentalists who believe in mind controls body, this should resonate with you.
When I catch myself judging another person I realize that in doing so I've pigeon-holed them into a box, convincing myself that they are limited in scope and not appreciating the surprises they could hold for me. It doesn't mean you hang out with people you clearly aren't compatible with for niceties sake, but it means not dismissing them in your head and from your heart but being open to the possibility that people can do unexpected, wonderful things at any given time.
I have a really strong memory of visiting England when I was a preteen, and seeing this woman who looked like she had a really angry disposition, her face appeared to be set in a permanent scowl and it seemed like she would snap anybody's head off if they tried to speak to her. Just as I was thinking that and looking at her, she suddenly looked at me and gave me a huge smile, and her face was completely transformed. As I smiled back with genuine surprise and pleasure, I shared this beautiful moment with her. I remember being full of joy at the fact that somebody I had written off could prove me so wrong in such an awesome way.
We are always discovering things about ourselves and other people in our interactions and observations. Each person allows me to experience myself in a different way.
When you judge your actions you hold on to the past. Rather than taking the lesson you unflinchingly lock your arms around a story that is no longer occurring in your life and keep it active by constantly reliving it, and creating more and more negativity towards whatever it was that you did instead of focusing on what can be done in the here and now. The root fear that perfectionism and imperfectionism emerge from is the fear of failure.
Procrastination is not always an indication of laziness as much as it is a learned response to a fear of failure- for many of us we would rather not do it at all than do it and have our worst fears actualized- we aren't good enough because we will fail. There is an inherent sense of shame about that, which is also linked to the fear of abandonment. If we fail it will be because we aren't good enough and if others find out we are not good enough we will be judged by them. It triggers the fear that we are not worthy of being loved.
The same can be said of people who shirk responsibility due to fears that they will not be able to hold up to the expectations placed on them. Similarly, perfectionism entails that if we don't get it perfect every time it means that our worst fears are true- no matter what we've achieved in the past, this time is the one that counts, it's been proven that we are actually not good enough and this truth will be found out and then we will be blackballed by all those we know. Neither judgement allows for the enjoyment of the process of getting to our desired result.
Judging yourself takes a lot of effort, and damages your relationship with yourself, leaving you depleted of energy. This means that you're less capable of handling your life because your self esteem is so low. To make the most out of this human experience it is important to be rooting for yourself instead of talking down to yourself and feeding your fears.
There is a difference between observation and judgment. If you have an experience you do not enjoy with somebody, if you let it go instead of holding on to it and constantly thinking about how unpleasant it was but just realize that next time you will not put yourself or the other person through that, you learn the lesson and let go of the judgement on it.
Discernment is an important skill, one that does not necessitate judgment. Severe negative criticism does not come naturally to us, it is a result of conditioning, of a lifetime of learnt responses. The beauty of it is that anything that is learnt can be transmuted. By becoming more aware of the judgments we pass and making a conscious effort to let go of the need to create them, looking at our experience with curiosity and aiming to learn from it, we accept and appreciate ourselves, others, our experiences, and the universe that surrounds us on a more meaningful level.
That is when we stop asking what this life is all about and why we are on this earth. You don't need to seek a reason for living if your life becomes so full of being alive that you feel the burning desire for an explanation of why it exists. A child's eyes are beautiful because they don't judge what they see but simply allow it to unfold. This is what true innocence is.
It may not happen overnight, but the more you keep at doing this, the easier you'll find it gets, just like anything else in life. Remember, don't judge yourself if you find it immensely difficult at first, the more you judge the process the more frustrated you will get and the more likely you will be to give up. Also, it makes you bitter, and that's no fun at all.
Instead, keep at it, and know that you are human, and as long as you don't give up trying it means you haven't failed.
For many of us,we set standards for ourselves which if we don't achieve immediately we consider it to be a failure. Perfection becomes the ideal that must be achieved in order to achieve nirvana.
These standards of perfection we impose upon ourselves cause us to become attached to an outcome.
When a person gets attached to an outcome, regardless of what that outcome is, they stop living in the moment and enjoying the process or journey of getting there. It's not about getting it right the first time- as soon as you'd get it right you'd move on to the next thing, and then you'd never be able to stay still and appreciate any one thing in particular, and always look towards the next.
Creation takes many attempts to get right. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. In the trying and experiencing the journey you're learning all kinds of skills you can use to tackle other challenges.
The journey is what contains the juicy bits- the laughter, the joy, the tears, the connections, the lives of others, love, creativity, tenderness, intimacy, lessons...the whole shebang. Get to the end result without experiencing the journey and not only do you lose all appreciation for what you have done, you also start taking it for granted and literally suck all the fun out of life.
That's why it's so important to do what you love- if you spend that much time trying to achieve an end result at something you're indifferent about or abhor then you are going to be unhappy whether you take the short cut that contains a dreary landscape or the longer, scenic route.
Experience is why we chose to come into human form. To experience spirit through matter is the beautiful essence of life. Somebody who lives in Toronto recently told me that they've barely had the heat on in the winter in the past 8 years. He divulged that he switched from attaching a quality to cold as negative and began to perceive it as an experience. I'm not quite there yet, but it's true- every time I catch myself getting caught up in circles of repetitive whining in my head about how cold it is, I remind myself that it's an experience, and it actually helps. A little. Like I said, I'm not totally there yet, but it's definitely moving towards a change. The more I believe this, the quicker my body responds by following the belief- for all you mentalists who believe in mind controls body, this should resonate with you.
When I catch myself judging another person I realize that in doing so I've pigeon-holed them into a box, convincing myself that they are limited in scope and not appreciating the surprises they could hold for me. It doesn't mean you hang out with people you clearly aren't compatible with for niceties sake, but it means not dismissing them in your head and from your heart but being open to the possibility that people can do unexpected, wonderful things at any given time.
I have a really strong memory of visiting England when I was a preteen, and seeing this woman who looked like she had a really angry disposition, her face appeared to be set in a permanent scowl and it seemed like she would snap anybody's head off if they tried to speak to her. Just as I was thinking that and looking at her, she suddenly looked at me and gave me a huge smile, and her face was completely transformed. As I smiled back with genuine surprise and pleasure, I shared this beautiful moment with her. I remember being full of joy at the fact that somebody I had written off could prove me so wrong in such an awesome way.
We are always discovering things about ourselves and other people in our interactions and observations. Each person allows me to experience myself in a different way.
When you judge your actions you hold on to the past. Rather than taking the lesson you unflinchingly lock your arms around a story that is no longer occurring in your life and keep it active by constantly reliving it, and creating more and more negativity towards whatever it was that you did instead of focusing on what can be done in the here and now. The root fear that perfectionism and imperfectionism emerge from is the fear of failure.
Procrastination is not always an indication of laziness as much as it is a learned response to a fear of failure- for many of us we would rather not do it at all than do it and have our worst fears actualized- we aren't good enough because we will fail. There is an inherent sense of shame about that, which is also linked to the fear of abandonment. If we fail it will be because we aren't good enough and if others find out we are not good enough we will be judged by them. It triggers the fear that we are not worthy of being loved.
The same can be said of people who shirk responsibility due to fears that they will not be able to hold up to the expectations placed on them. Similarly, perfectionism entails that if we don't get it perfect every time it means that our worst fears are true- no matter what we've achieved in the past, this time is the one that counts, it's been proven that we are actually not good enough and this truth will be found out and then we will be blackballed by all those we know. Neither judgement allows for the enjoyment of the process of getting to our desired result.
Judging yourself takes a lot of effort, and damages your relationship with yourself, leaving you depleted of energy. This means that you're less capable of handling your life because your self esteem is so low. To make the most out of this human experience it is important to be rooting for yourself instead of talking down to yourself and feeding your fears.
There is a difference between observation and judgment. If you have an experience you do not enjoy with somebody, if you let it go instead of holding on to it and constantly thinking about how unpleasant it was but just realize that next time you will not put yourself or the other person through that, you learn the lesson and let go of the judgement on it.
Discernment is an important skill, one that does not necessitate judgment. Severe negative criticism does not come naturally to us, it is a result of conditioning, of a lifetime of learnt responses. The beauty of it is that anything that is learnt can be transmuted. By becoming more aware of the judgments we pass and making a conscious effort to let go of the need to create them, looking at our experience with curiosity and aiming to learn from it, we accept and appreciate ourselves, others, our experiences, and the universe that surrounds us on a more meaningful level.
That is when we stop asking what this life is all about and why we are on this earth. You don't need to seek a reason for living if your life becomes so full of being alive that you feel the burning desire for an explanation of why it exists. A child's eyes are beautiful because they don't judge what they see but simply allow it to unfold. This is what true innocence is.
It may not happen overnight, but the more you keep at doing this, the easier you'll find it gets, just like anything else in life. Remember, don't judge yourself if you find it immensely difficult at first, the more you judge the process the more frustrated you will get and the more likely you will be to give up. Also, it makes you bitter, and that's no fun at all.
Instead, keep at it, and know that you are human, and as long as you don't give up trying it means you haven't failed.
No comments:
Post a Comment