So often we go around looking for others to assure ourselves that we are worthy of being loved. Yet, even when we find someone who repeatedly tells us we are loved, there is a part of us, deep down in our innermost recesses, that doesn't believe this.
We look for ways to undermine their love, to push them to see how far they will go. Alternatively, we cling to them, believing that as long as they love us we count for something- we are of value because they value us. We lose our definition of who we are- instead we try to become more of the person that we believe that they want us to be. If they treat us any differently for any reason we lapse into a fear of losing them. Unhealthy co-dependency issues fester and the fear of abandonment keeps us in relationships that have outlived their expiry dates.
For some, there's a belief that roots in fear, that states that now that I've finally found someone who claims to love me, if I leave this, how will I ever meet someone who will love me? For others it's a habit- deadly because it has become so familiar that the fear of the unknown, of what could happen keeps us from making a change that is needed for any personal growth.
If gangrene spreads to a limb and infects the entire limb you will go to a surgeon to have it amputated otherwise it will spread to the rest of your body- yet with many unhealthy relationships people often tend to look the other way and let it contaminate their entire being. They will accept abuse on an emotional, physical and mental level just to stay in this relationship.
One of the reasons for this dynamic between someone who is doling out abuse and the person who accepts it is that there is an inherent belief that they deserve this. That there is something so fundamentally wrong with them that despite not really wanting the punishment they will stay in the relationship because it is justice balancing the scales.
Similarly for people who are in relationships who have this inner knowing that the other person is cheating on them yet they repeatedly look the other way, they would rather continue to be in this deluded state because it is preferable to the alternative- taking a step out into unfamiliar territory. When you lose a sense of self in a relationship it becomes doubly intimidating to venture forth out of even an intensely damaging relationship, because you have no real inkling of who you are anymore.
When you build an identity based on someone else and they are gone, there is this stifling fear that if you lose them you will no longer be someone. Yet, just because you have neglected your true identity doesn't mean it is truly lost. It is just covered underneath under some layers of dust and maybe some baggage heaped on to it, but sending your focus and attention there and working at bringing your true self out again works wonders.
You do not need to look into another persons eyes to validate your own self worth. To find love, look within your own heart. Only then will you be able to acknowledge the love that you are. Like I mentioned in another article (http://www.theradiancewithin.blogspot.ca/2012/11/love-yourself-flippant-answer-to.html - Love Thyself Comes After Know Thyself) loving yourself is not the easiest thing in the world after you've come from a lifetime of conditioning and self-abuse, especially when you've been brainwashed to believe that it is selfish to love yourself. However, it is worth it to take the step towards getting to know and love yourself towards that journey.
So often we beat ourselves up, degrading ourselves, yet when it really comes down to it, what really makes you feel like you deserve anything less than the happiness you would want others around you to have?
You, just as much as anyone else, deserve love.
The only time you will realize this though is when you begin that journey to find yourself, and the only place you can do this is within yourself. You, not anyone else, encompass all the love you need.
Love is not just an emotion, love is a state of being. When you reach this inner knowledge (the kind of knowledge that is only found through your own experience) you can share this state of being with others. At that point you can revel in a healthy, true relationship between two equal partners who truly value the worth of each other, as individuals, two wholes meeting each other as such.
No one can complete you, for you are already complete. This is when two wholes can combine to form something even greater than themselves- this is when they become co-creators.
The love you seek is already within you.
We look for ways to undermine their love, to push them to see how far they will go. Alternatively, we cling to them, believing that as long as they love us we count for something- we are of value because they value us. We lose our definition of who we are- instead we try to become more of the person that we believe that they want us to be. If they treat us any differently for any reason we lapse into a fear of losing them. Unhealthy co-dependency issues fester and the fear of abandonment keeps us in relationships that have outlived their expiry dates.
For some, there's a belief that roots in fear, that states that now that I've finally found someone who claims to love me, if I leave this, how will I ever meet someone who will love me? For others it's a habit- deadly because it has become so familiar that the fear of the unknown, of what could happen keeps us from making a change that is needed for any personal growth.
If gangrene spreads to a limb and infects the entire limb you will go to a surgeon to have it amputated otherwise it will spread to the rest of your body- yet with many unhealthy relationships people often tend to look the other way and let it contaminate their entire being. They will accept abuse on an emotional, physical and mental level just to stay in this relationship.
One of the reasons for this dynamic between someone who is doling out abuse and the person who accepts it is that there is an inherent belief that they deserve this. That there is something so fundamentally wrong with them that despite not really wanting the punishment they will stay in the relationship because it is justice balancing the scales.
Similarly for people who are in relationships who have this inner knowing that the other person is cheating on them yet they repeatedly look the other way, they would rather continue to be in this deluded state because it is preferable to the alternative- taking a step out into unfamiliar territory. When you lose a sense of self in a relationship it becomes doubly intimidating to venture forth out of even an intensely damaging relationship, because you have no real inkling of who you are anymore.
When you build an identity based on someone else and they are gone, there is this stifling fear that if you lose them you will no longer be someone. Yet, just because you have neglected your true identity doesn't mean it is truly lost. It is just covered underneath under some layers of dust and maybe some baggage heaped on to it, but sending your focus and attention there and working at bringing your true self out again works wonders.
You do not need to look into another persons eyes to validate your own self worth. To find love, look within your own heart. Only then will you be able to acknowledge the love that you are. Like I mentioned in another article (http://www.theradiancewithin.blogspot.ca/2012/11/love-yourself-flippant-answer-to.html - Love Thyself Comes After Know Thyself) loving yourself is not the easiest thing in the world after you've come from a lifetime of conditioning and self-abuse, especially when you've been brainwashed to believe that it is selfish to love yourself. However, it is worth it to take the step towards getting to know and love yourself towards that journey.
So often we beat ourselves up, degrading ourselves, yet when it really comes down to it, what really makes you feel like you deserve anything less than the happiness you would want others around you to have?
You, just as much as anyone else, deserve love.
The only time you will realize this though is when you begin that journey to find yourself, and the only place you can do this is within yourself. You, not anyone else, encompass all the love you need.
Love is not just an emotion, love is a state of being. When you reach this inner knowledge (the kind of knowledge that is only found through your own experience) you can share this state of being with others. At that point you can revel in a healthy, true relationship between two equal partners who truly value the worth of each other, as individuals, two wholes meeting each other as such.
No one can complete you, for you are already complete. This is when two wholes can combine to form something even greater than themselves- this is when they become co-creators.
The love you seek is already within you.
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